Let’s just say, for the sake of argument, that you’re considering getting old. We don’t recommend this course of action, of course, because the risks greatly outweigh the advantages. But if you must age, here are a few tips to help you navigate what can be a fun time in your life, if you take the proper precautions. Keep in mind that the main skill required for this period of your life is that of settling; as in settling for things you had never considered you would need to settle for in the first place. Here are some examples:

You must settle for the fact that people you don’t know will ignore you. Some people you do know will ignore you. People will begin to see you merely as a number, not a person, and will go out of their way to sit anywhere other than near you. They will talk over you and roll their eyes if you venture an opinion, thinking that you are hopelessly out of touch with reality. Your opinion will no longer matter to anyone but yourself. Or, if you are very lucky, a few close friends and/or your spouse.

You will need to settle for the reality of receiving mailings for all kinds of things you don’t need such as hearing aids, burial services, dental plans, built-in accessible bathtubs, AARP, and real estate agents who are tying to sell your house out from underneath you.

You’ll need to settle for the fact that your feet will begin to hurt, enough so that you’ll have to wear sensible shoes at all times, not just during the day when you mostly never get out of your Ortho slippers anyway. You will also be relegated to wearing ‘sensible clothing’ like Eileen Fisher or those brands that specialize in elasticized waistbands. You’ll begin gaining weight in places you had even noticed before, like what is referred to as ‘back fat.’ Bathing suits are pretty much out of the question for obvious reasons.

Forget going to concerts unless they have sit-down seating. Plus, you’ll either have to wear earplugs or hearing-aids. Either way, you’re screwed.

You’ll need to settle into a more intimate relationship with your doctor, so she can keep track of your cholesterol, blood pressure, bladder functioning, colon health, etc. She’ll also want to query you about your sex life without understanding that women your age were raised to never speak of such things.

You’ll need to stay active and keep driving because all of your friends need rides to their cataract and hip replacement surgeries. Plus, your entire community will expect you to volunteer for the charity of your choice. Too bad if you don’t want to, it’s part of the contract you signed when you became an older woman.

You may be asking, at this point, and rightfully so, if there are any advantages to getting old. We’ll need to get back to you about that.

Christine McDowell Tucker is a retired clinical psychologist, painter, and writer from Charlottesville, Va. She can be found at Christine McDowell Tucker on Facebook and christinetucker2095 on Instagram.