The fear of losing you torments me.
Krenshaw’s roommate, Annie Alessandra, was dating Tommy Stalwart. Krenshaw had introduced them a few months back and it seemed like things were going well. Krenshaw was happy for them. But she was also sad. Seeing the two of them together reminded her of what she used to have with Memphis Jericho.
Krenshaw had fallen for Memphis after dating him for a few months. Then, he broke up with her, saying he wasn’t as physically attracted to Krenshaw as he hoped he’d be. Krenshaw was confused by this. She had always taken it as a compliment when Memphis would point to her brain and say: “I’m more attracted to what’s on your inside than what’s on your outside.” But apparently, this was his way of signaling to her that he didn’t see the relationship going anywhere.
I’m trying to be rational and consider my options. But every decision is an incursion of agony that leads to a frozen severance of connection between mind and matter.
Memphis sincerely cared for Krenshaw and wanted to remain friends. But Krenshaw was heartbroken and unable to navigate her conflicting emotions. One minute she was furious at Memphis and wanted to cut him completely out of her life. The next she felt like she was overreacting and that the two of them could easily stay friends. Then she would beat herself up for overreacting and feel ashamed and insecure. Then she would become angry so as to avoid feeling sad. Each thought contradicted the last, bringing about extreme momentary changes in her mood.
Then, as if completely out of nowhere, Annie and Memphis began hooking up. Annie was still dating Tommy, but they weren’t exclusive, and apparently a romantic connection had developed between her and Memphis right under Krenshaw’s nose. Krenshaw always had a suspicious feeling that Memphis was attracted to Annie. After all, Annie was part Mexican.
It doesn’t matter that I am not entirely irrelevant. The minimization of my presence is enough to throw me into a panic.
Krenshaw decided to approach Annie about her newfound love connection.
“I’m not comfortable with you dating Memphis,” she stated plainly.
Feeling like I have no friends is equivalent to having no friends when I’m suffering from a lack of socially constructive meaning.
“I know. I thought you wouldn’t be.” Annie replied, sympathetically.
“I’ve been trying to block it out of my mind.”
I’m holding on to something I have no control over, and losing a layer of skin in the process.
“I get the feeling he still likes you though,” Annie said to Krenshaw. . . . It’s something in the way he talks about you.”
“What does he say?”
“He just speaks so highly of you,” Annie smiled warmly.
My mother would be so ashamed of me.
“Yeah, but it doesn’t amount to anything,” Krenshaw said, dismissively. “He treats all of his friends who are girls the same way, like they are the most special person in his life.”
Krenshaw paused for a second.
“I don’t want you to see him anymore,” she declared.
“I understand,” said Annie. “’I’ll stop seeing him.”
Krenshaw hardly felt better.
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